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This is the Transcript for Ellen's Energy Adventure in Epcot.

Transcript

There is a large movie screen high up on the wall. The audience stands. The screen is black. Then, Ellen DeGeneres walks into view.

Ellen: Hi, and welcome to the Universe of Energy. How are ya? No need to answer. You guys are probably surprised to see me here, aren't you? But then, there's probably a lot of places you'd be surprised to see me, when you think about it. If you were driving in your car, for instance, okay?

Close your eyes, you're in your ca -- no, don't close your eyes in the car, but right now, think about it. You're in your car, you're driving, and then all of a sudden, from the back seat, I just pop up and go, "HEY!" You'd just whack me in the head, wouldn't you? That would be -- that wouldn't be nice, but then it wouldn't be nice for me to do that to you. How'd I get in your car, anyway? Can you -- did you lock the car?

Maybe it was your fault. Maybe I'm just teaching you a lesson. But the point is, to see me here, as the spokesperson for the Universe of Energy, I mean that's crazy. You know, I'm the expert on a lot of things. You know that. I know that. But uh, not a lot of things. A few things. But energy. I mean, there was a time I could care less about it.

And then, suddenly everything changed. One day, I was sitting in my apartment ... <snaps her fingers and nothing happens> I - I said, I was sitting in my apartment when <snaps her fingers again, and we see Ellen in her apartment, as well as on one side of the screen, so there are two Ellens> There it is. I'd offer you some snacks, but she -- I mean, I -- can't hear ... me. Hey, hey, you! How 'bout sharing some of those chips?

Dream Ellen: No, you're on a diet!

Ellen: Me? How 'bout you? Anyhoo, I'm watching TV, and my favorite show's about to start.

Jeopardy! Announcer: This is ... Jeopardy!

Dream Ellen: Yes!

Ellen: Told ya this was my favorite show.

<There is a knock at the door.>

Dream Ellen: What is "Who is it"?

<Bill Nye walks in.>

Ellen: And of course no one locks their doors in New York.

Bill: Hey, it's your neighbor, Bill Nye the Science Guy.

Dream Ellen: Hey, Bill Nye the Science Guy, it's Ellen the uh ... just Ellen, I guess. What can I do ya for?

Bill: I'd like to borrow some aluminum foil, a clothespin, and a candle.

Dream Ellen: Another hot date, huh?

Bill: Actually, I'm working on an experiment.

Dream Ellen: Ah, take whatever you need. I don't wanna miss any of the game.

Bill: What're you watching?

Dream Ellen: Jeopardy!

Bill: Yes!

Jeopardy! Announcer: A professor of energy at Princeton University, Dr. Judy Peterson.

Dream Ellen: Oh my gosh.

Bill: What?

Dream Ellen: It's my old college roommate, Judy Peterson. She was such a smarty-pants know-it-all. I had the best nickname for her, though.

Bill: What was that?

Dream Ellen: Stupid Judy.

Bill: Ellen, that makes no sense. She has a PhD.

Dream Ellen: I know, but it made me feel better. So now I guess she's some hot shot energetic professor.

Bill: She's a professor of energy!

Dream Ellen: Whatever. Who cares about Stupid Judy and her stupid energy?

Bill: Ellen, energy's the most important thing in ... the universe!

Dream Ellen: Oh yeah, sure, take her side.

Bill: I'm not taking her side; it's just that without energy, nothin' would go, nothin' would happen. I mean, there'd be ... nothin'.

Dream Ellen: Well, then we'd really be in jeopardy, now wouldn't we?

Bill: Yeah, well, what is, uh, "Thanks for the supplies, and, uh, see ya later"?

Dream Ellen: What is "Bye bye"?

<Bill leaves, while Judy answers a question correctly.>

Alex Trebek: Right again. Go.

Dream Ellen: <mockingly> Right again, Judy. Stupid Judy. Stupid energy. Maybe the universe needs energy, but I don't. I'll take a nap for a hundred.

Ellen: <appears talking on the phone on one side of the screen> Ha ha ha ha. I know. Big piece o' corn right there in the teeth. How could you not see -- <sees the audience looking at her> I'll have to call you back. <hangs up the phone> Ahem! Now, as most of you know, when someone falls asleep watching TV, that person is going to have a ....what? Anyone? ... Anyone.

Woman's voice: A crick in the neck?

Man's voice: A bad hair day.

Another woman's voice: A dream sequence.

Ellen: That's right, ma'am, a dream sequence! Right. Mine was more of a nightmare, actually. And uh, actually, we should get some fog in here. Always nice to spice up a dream sequence with fog. <Fog rolls across the screen where Ellen is speaking.> No, not in here. Over there. In the dream.

<The fog moves into the apartment scene.> Scary, huh?

<The dream scene switches from Ellen's apartment to the Jeopardy! set.>

Jeopardy! Announcer: This is ... Jeopardy! Now, here are today's contestants: Dr. Judy Peterson, Dr. Albert Einstein, and finally ... just Ellen. And now, here's the host of Jeopardy!, Alex Trebek.

Alex Trebek: Thank you, Johnny Gilbert. Hello, contestants. Welcome to our program, and good luck to you in the game. Here are the categories for the first round of play: Solar energy. Wind power. Energy from water. Fossil fuels. Fusion. And finally ... Gas. Ellen, since this is your dream, we'll let you make the first selection.

Dream Ellen: Uh, I will take, um ... eenie meenie minie ... uh, Fossil Fuels for, uh, let's -- let's go for a hundred.

Alex Trebek: Fine. The answer is ... This is formed from microscopic plants and animals trapped in ocean floor sediment millions of years ago.

<Ellen rings in.>

Alex Trebek: Ellen?

Dream Ellen: Yes, I know that one. That's uh ... that, um, is uh ... what -- what is ... what is um, uh, stuff trapped -- microscopic fuels and -- and plants and -- and animals, and --

<buzzer sounds>

Alex Trebek: Sorry, Ellen. We were looking for something more than just an embellishment of what I had already said. <Judy rings in.> And it's .. Judy!

Judy: What is petroleum, Alex? <Judy proceeds to ring in with a string of correct responses.> What is bituminous? <ring> What is solar thermal conversion? <ring> What is hydroelectric? <ring> What is helium?

Alex Trebek: And the total as we come to the end of the first round, ladies and gentlemen, Judy has a commanding lead <$17,800>, Ellen has her work cut out for her <Ellen has a negative score.>, and Dr. Einstein is nowhere ... relatively speaking. <He has zero.>

Dream Ellen: Is this a nightmare, or what?

Alex Trebek: Oh, Ellen, your first correct response!

Dream Ellen: Wait a minute. <snaps her fingers> Freeze! <The scene freezes.> This is my dream. I'm in control now. I can still win. I still have a chance to.

Bill: Ellen! Ellen!

Dream Ellen: Who is it?

Bill: It's me, Bill Nye the Science Guy.

Dream Ellen: Hey, I'm glad you came to help me.

Bill: Actually, I came to see Einstein. Wow, you're gettin' clobbered.

Dream Ellen: Yeah. This nightmare Jeopardy! version's a lot harder than the home version. Will you help me?

Bill: Sure! But first, we have to go back.

Dream Ellen: Back ... stage??

Bill: No, no, no. Way back. Like many billion years ago.

Dream Ellen: Okay, but can we stop at a mini-mart or something and get some snacks? I have a tendency to get hungry after a couple of million years.

Bill: No can do. Time's a-wastin'. Come on!

Ellen: Wait. It's not even over. It gets really weird from here. Now some person I don't even know reminds me there's no eating, drinking, smoking, or flash photography allowed in my dream.

Cast Member: Ladies and gentlemen, there's no eating, drinking, smoking, or flash photography in Ellen's dream.

Ellen: And no videotaping. Okay? And those of you who're just walking in right now ... you're late. Where have you been? I love your hair. No, not you. I mean, it's all right, but that's cute. Yeah. Um, anyway, so you're not completely lost, here's a recap of what has been going on. I'm Ellen. Hi! I love Jeopardy!, I used to not care about energy at all, 'til I had a nightmare that I was on Jeopardy!, and all the categories were about energy. Oh, don't I know it was scary. So my neighbor, Bill Nye, stepped in, to help me out -- Bill Nye the Science Guy -- you know him? Anyway, so he comes in to help me out. That's what's going on. Got it? Good. You don't? Then that's your problem, because you're late. And you think about that next time!

Cast Member: Ladies and gentlemen, the automatic doors in front of you are going to be opening. For your safety, please stand behind the yellow squares. Also, please make sure your party is together before you enter the next theater. Thank you.

MAIN SHOW

Cast Member: Now that you've selected a place to sit, please remain fully seated, and don't attempt to switch rows, seats, or vehicles from this point forward. As a reminder, for the comfort and courtesy of all those around you, please refrain from any eating, drinking, smoking, flash photography, or videotaping.

Also, if you happen to be seated near one of the open doors, please make sure that opening is clear of all obstructions, including arms, legs, packages, and anything else you'd like not to get squished. Those doors are automatic, and they'll be closing in just a moment. <music plays> And now we return to Ellen's dream.

<Ellen and Bill are on a dark screen, holding glow sticks to light their way.>

Dream Ellen: Why is it so dark?

Bill: 'Cause there's nothin' to see.

Dream Ellen: Lemme get this straight. You brought me back billions of years so you could show me ... nothing?

Bill: Sort of, uh, but out of this nothingness, many scientists believe the universe was born.

Dream Ellen: Must've been a big delivery room, huh?

Bill: Uh ... yeah. Ah! See that single point of very hot, very dense matter? <We see a small light in the center of the screen.> It contains all the energy of the universe, that's about to expand. At an astonishing rate! Oh, here, better put these on. <gives Ellen a set of what looks like earmuffs> Hearing protectors. <Ellen puts them on> 'Cause it's ... the Big Bang!

Dream Ellen: The piggy bank?

Bill: No, the Big Bang!

Dream Ellen: The ding-dang?

Bill: <lifts Ellen's hearing protectors> The Big Bang.

Dream Ellen: Oh.

Bill: Now, what you're about to witness took place over billions of years. Oh boy. Whew! Uh, better take cover. <Bill leaves but Ellen doesn't hear him, and stays where she is.>

Dream Ellen: <pretending to be guiding a plane for takeoff with her glow sticks> All right, universe, you're cleared for takeoff. Come on. Ha ha ha. Come -- Bill? Bill Nye? Bill Nye the Science Guy? ... Bill? <Bill opens a door and pulls Ellen to safety just before the Big Bang.>

<BOOM!>

<We see a computer-generated, high-speed depiction of the cataclysmic birth of the universe, with volcanoes erupting, mountains pushing up through the ground, and vegetation eventually covering the earth.>

Bill: <emerging from the jungle> Here we are! Two hundred twenty million years in the earth's past. Give or take ... uh, a day.

Dream Ellen: Bill? Bill, I -- I know I asked you to help me with this energy stuff and everything but I was kinda hoping you'd show me a slide show.

Bill: A slide show? I guess that'd be easier, but -- ha! This is way more fun.

Dream Ellen: Uh ... yeah, this is fun. Where's the energy?

Bill: Oh, it's all around you. You see, these plants and animals are soaking up energy from the sun. When they die and get buried, time, pressure and heat'll cook them into the fossil fuels we rely on today. Like, uh, coal, natural gas, and oil.

Dream Ellen: Wait a minute. You're telling me that we're filling our gas tanks with -- well, with dinosaur soup?

Bill: Well, not exactly, but dinosaurs did live when fossil fuels were developing in the earth. And dinosaurs are just cool! Let's check 'em out!

Dream Ellen: Why don't we just skip to the air conditioning and jacuzzi period, huh?

Bill: Ellen, it's the chance of a lifetime! It's the chance of a hundred million lifetimes! Come on.

Dream Ellen: You go ahead and make sure it's safe. I'll -- I'll wait here, okay? <to the audience> You might as well go, too. This is my nightmare. No need you staying with me. <loud roar is heard> Maybe I'll go. What am I so scared of? It's just a dinosaur. What's the big deal about dinosaurs? They're not so tough. Probably have a brain the size of a pea. <another loud roar> Ahhhhh. I hope you're not upset about that pea-brain crack. 'Cause, you know, now that I think of it, I'm sure peas are much larger in this time period. I happen to love peas, don't you? <loud roar> I'll take that as a maybe. I should get going, 'cause I'm supposed to be dinner -- I mean have dinner, with friends. So I should ... go. <Ellen tries to distract the dinosaur.> Hey, what's over there!? <loud roar, as Ellen runs off> <We see the plants shake as the dinosaur apparently stomps off after Ellen.>

<The theater rotates and the seats break up into sections and move into a large room with animatronic dinosaurs (Brontosauruses). At this point, we only hear Ellen and Bill. We can't see them.>

Dream Ellen: Oh, Bill, where are you? Ow! Bill, is that you? <roar> That's your stomach growling, isn't it? Okay, I told you we should've stopped for snacks. <roar> You're not Bill, are you? I mean, your name could be Bill, but you're not the Bill that I--

Bill: Hey, Ellen!

Dream Ellen: <to the dinosaur> Excuse me.

Bill: Come on! They've got everything. Over here.

Dream Ellen: No, you come over here. I'm not taking one more step until I can see where I'm going. <really loud roar> That's good enough for me. Wait up, Bill! I'm coming!

<We pass scenes of various animatronic dinosaurs, including three Trachodons watching an Allosaurus battling a Stegosaurus; an Elasmosaurus; and Pteranodons; eventually coming to a scene of an audio-animatronic Ellen fighting off a snakelike creature. We can hear snippets of her dialogue as we pass her.>

Animatronic version of Dream Ellen: Don't make me use this thing! ... Stop it! You don't wanna eat me! I'll make you lose your appetite. Help! Ow! ... If you can't say something nice, then ... ya can't. Hey! Listen mister, don't give me that attitude! Bill! I could use a little help here. Down, boy. I -- I said, down, boy!

Bill: Woo! Ellen! Hey, Ellen! This way. There's lots more to see ... Ellen, let's get a move on! There's some way cool stuff left ahead.

<We move into a dark room, as we hear the sound of a radio broadcast, and we see the radio tower and sound waves projected on the wall.>

Radio Announcer: KNRG news time <bong> 55 million B.C. Now, for a look at our weather. Willard?

Willard Scott: Okay! Our ultra-extended forecast calls for decreasing dinosaur populaton, followed by a sudden growth in those tiny little creatures the size of mice that we call mammals. Aren't they cute? Birthday greetings go out to the cockroach! Two hundred million years old today. Boy howdy! And maybe that comet'll help get rid of 'em. Now, here's the traffic update.

<sound of elephant trumpeting>

Traffic Reporter: We've got reports that a giant elephant -- a deinotherium, to be exact -- has popped his trunk, and is jackknifed in traffic. Plus, we can expect lots of traffic at the local watering holes, as the mammal population continues to boom.

Radio Announcer: KNRG news time: <bong> One million B.C. And now to the sports report, live, from the Mastodon.

Sports Announcer: <we hear baseball park organ music> Mammals dominate the earth. Mammals dominate the earth! The big dinosaurs have been shut out. They're back ... back back back back back back ... gone! Extinct! The big dinosaurs have left the planet. The mammals've shut them out in a major planetary upset.

Bill: This is KNRG NewsRadio. Hey, let's check out the weather report, and see if it's gonna stay way cool outside. Willard?

Willard Scott: Hey, we're following a massive cold front extending from the Arctic region all the way down to our planet's mid-section. Now, we're urging all mammals to evolve into their winter wardrobe because it's gonna get chilly! Be sure to develop a thick, furry hide if you wanna make it. How cold it is!

Bill: Keep your dial tuned to KNRG for continuous news updates. KNRG news time: <bong> nine hundred thousand B.C. Now, let's check out what's happening in the wild world of fashion.

Female Fashion Reporter: Mammals are getting hairier. That's right. Wooly is definitely in. Whether you're a mammoth or a rhinoth. And saberteeth seem to be a growing fad in the cat world. Also, look for antlers to be very big this year. As big as ten feet, on creatures like the megalosaurus. Wow! And that's the latest in the fashion world.

Bill: Is it ever gonna warm up? Let's find out with a look at the weather. Willard?

Willard Scott: You know those giant glaciers we've all gotten so used to? Well, they're gonna be receding to the North and South poles. Conditions are looking very favorable for a whole new kind of mammal. KNRG news time: <bong> seven hundred and fifty thousand B.C.

Bill: And that's our KNRG up-to-the-minute news report. Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

<The radio broadcast ends, and we see another movie screen showing Bill Nye back in the jungle.>

Bill: Now we're exactly where we need to be. All we need now is ... Ellen.

Deam Ellen: <swings by behind Bill on a vine> Bill? Bill Bill Bill? Oh, Bill ... Bill!

Bill: Ellen? Oh, there you are!

Dream Ellen: Yeah, here I am. Yeah. Look, you know, it's not like I don't like getting attacked by a snakelike creature, it's just --

Bill: Shhh! See, we're at the dawn of the human age. And one of our ancestors is about to make an important discovery. One that will spark the progress of civilization.

Dream Ellen: Let's hope it's deodorant.

<We see a film showing a caveman (Michael Richards from "Seinfeld") discovering fire.>

Bill: See? We discovered fire! And we're really on our way.

<We see a montage of scenes showing man's progress using different forms of energy, such as wind, steam, and gasoline.>

Bill: So here we are today. <Bill and Ellen are shown in a helicopter, which can be seen today on the Backlot Tour at the Disney-MGM Studios.>

Dream Ellen: Thanks, Bill. You can just drop me back at Jeopardy! I think I'm ready to get back in the game and kick Judy's big ol' --

Bill: But wait. To play the game, you have to know where energy comes from. You have to know where it's gonna come from. And how to use it more wisely. You see, this is a really ... big story.

Dream Ellen: You heard the man. It's a big story. From now on, we're dreaming in ... wide screen. <The screen expands on both sides.> Wider! Wider! I sound like a dentist, don't I? Okay everybody, rinse and spit. Just kidding, not you, sir.

Bill: We'll start with the sun. It's where most of our energy comes from. It's at the heart of some great ideas for tomorrow.

Dream Ellen: Like what, Bill Nye the Science Guy?

Bill: Like ... solar energy. <We see a solar energy site, with thousands of mirrors> Solar mirrors are one way to convert the sun's energy into electricity. <Ellen and Bill are looking into a solar mirror.>

Dream Ellen: Cool! I mean, hot. I mean, coolly hot. Or hotly cool. So why don't we just make everything solar?

Bill: Ah, not so fast. For one thing, it's not sunny enough everywhere. <Bill snaps his fingers and it gets overcast and stormy.> And although the sunshine is free, <Bill snaps his fingers again, and it's sunny.> solar electricity still isn't that cheap. But it's gettin' there.

<Ellen snaps her fingers a couple of times to change the weather like Bill.>

Dream Ellen: Okay, in the meantime, let's just pick another category.

Bill: All right. <The scene changes to a wind farm.> Today, we're using the clean energy of moving air -- wind -- to generate electricity.

Dream Ellen: Well then, why don't we just get a bunch of wind farmers to harvest a big ol' crop o' wind?

Bill: We're starting to ... where it's windy. But remember, to power a whole city, you need a whole lot of wind. <We see a lighted city at night.>

Dream Ellen: And when the wind stops blowing ... we'd be left in the dark, wouldn't we? <We see the city go dark.>

Bill: No way. We just switch to another source of energy. <The city gets bright again.>

Dream Ellen: I'm guessin' this big red rock isn't gonna give us energy when we need it. <They are now traveling through a rocky gorge.>

Bill: No, but this big gray wall might. <We see the Hoover Dam.> It's clean and efficient.

Dream Ellen: I know this one. Come on. Quiz me.

<Ellen and Bill are now standing on top of the dam>

Bill: Okay. Hydroelectric power plants convert the energy of falling water into electricity, and are renewed by this natural resource. <Sound of thunder is heard, and then it rains only on Ellen.>

Dream Ellen: What is ... rain?

Bill: Correct.

Dream Ellen: <dripping wet and wringing out her shirt> So we just, uh, build more dams and our energy problems are solved.

Bill: Not quite. We've already used many of the best sites, and sometimes building a dam can be pretty hard on the ecosystem.

Dream Ellen: Seems like there are problems with every one of these. What gives?

Bill: Well Ellen, there are no easy answers. The sun, water, geothermal steam, even wood, all contribute. Right now, these renewables provide about ten percent of the world's energy. But we can expect them to be playing an even bigger role in the decades ahead.

Dream Ellen: <back in the helicopter, using a blow dryer on her wet hair> That's great, Bill, but we still need a heck of a lot more energy. Where is it coming from, and do you have a curling iron?

Bill: Come on, I'll show ya! Let's hitch a ride with this solid fossil fuel. <We see a train carrying coal.>

Dream Ellen: Oh, I know this one. What is coal?

Bill: Correct! And we've discovered two centuries' worth. <train whistle is heard>

Dream Ellen: Whoa! What about global warming?

Bill: It's a hot topic, with lots of questions. And it's one of the big reasons scientists are working on ways to burn fuels, like coal, more efficiently than ever. Ellen, what do you know about gas?

<sound of BURP>

Dream Ellen: Well, if your stomach's bothering you, I could get you some club soda.

Bill: <laughs> No.

Dream Ellen: Oh, you mean natural gas. <We see a natural gas plant>

Bill: It's clean-burning. At the rate we're going, we're set for about sixty years.

Dream Ellen: Sixty years?! That's only ten more years than fifty. Twenty more than forty. Thirty more than --

Bill: Don't uh, don't worry. We're always finding more natural gas all the time. But we do need to use it wisely. <Bill and Ellen are driving through the natural gas facility.> So Ellen, how long have you been driving?

Dream Ellen: <laughs, then almost hits a plant worker>

Bill: Whoa!

Dream Ellen: Sorry, pal. All righty. What's next? <We hear the "Beverly Hillbillies" theme.> Oh! Oh! What is black gold? Texas tea. Swimmin' pools. Movie stars. What is the Beverly Hillbillies? I -- I mean, what is oil? <They are at the site of an oil deposit.>

Bill: Right! It's our main source of energy, and we've found enough to last at least fifty years.

Dream Ellen: That's all?

Bill: We're far from running on empty. We've got some pretty far-out ways of finding more. <The scene changes to outer space, where Ellen and Bill are floating in spacesuits near a satellite.>

Dream Ellen: Wow. This is far-out.

Bill: Satellites are one of the tools we use in our search for hidden deposits. But there are others.

Dream Ellen: Really? Ya know -- <Ellen bangs into the satellite> Ow! Uh, Houston ... I -- I think we have a problem.

Bill: That is because many of the easily reached petroleum deposits have already been tapped.

Dream Ellen: <stuck to the satellite, and floating away from Bill> Hel -- hellooooo ...

Bill: Most new discoveries will come from once inaccessible or hard to reach places. <The scene switches to an offshore drilling platform in the ocean.>

Dream Ellen: Wait just a minute. There's oil here?

Bill: Actually, the oil is buried way deep, under the ocean floor.

Dream Ellen: Oh. Well, then I guess we can't get to it. So, where to next?

Bill: Well hey, don't give up! We can reach the oil with offshore drilling platforms like this. Going in ... Dive! Dive!

Dream Ellen: Bill?!

Bill: Dive! <They go beneath the surface.> Some drilling platforms are so tall, they would tower over the Empire State Building. I mean, that's big!

Dream Ellen: <A shark appears.> Oh, great. Just what our nightmare needs. A big ol' human-munchin', bone-crunchin', Ellen-lunchin' shark. Take off, Captain! Rise! ... Where are we now? <We see atoms floating around>

Bill: The world of atomic power! See, today we take atoms like these and split them apart to release energy. It's called fission. Nuclear energy is expensive. And highly controversial.

Dream Ellen: So I guess there's never gonna be just one answer.

Bill: But if we keep using our brain power, we'll have lots of choices for the future. Maybe even unlock the power of the stars. Fusion power!

Dream Ellen: I'm beginning to see the light!

Bill: Actually, I think it's Double Jeopardy, Ellen. <Ellen is backstage at Jeopardy! once again.>

Jeopardy! Staff Member: There you are! Where have you been?

Dream Ellen: The beginning of the universe. There were dinosaurs, and -- and -- and I was -- in the bathroom. There's no more paper towels.

Jeopardy! Staff Member: Yeah, right.

Voice of Jeopardy! Stage Manager: Could we get Ellen to the set, please?

<Ellen returns to the set.>

Alex Trebek: <to Judy> Well, you've been absolutely amazing so far. Blowing away your opponents here.

Judy: Well, my IQ is 210.

Alex Trebek: But I'll tell you something, Judy. The thing that really amazed me was that you and Ellen were in the same class at school.

Judy: Yes! We were actually roommates. I used to call her Stupid Ellen.

Voice of Jeopardy! Stage Manager: Five seconds!

Alex Trebek: Okay. All right, players, we're ready to begin the second round. And Ellen, will you start us off by making a selection, please?

Dream Ellen: I sure will, Alex. I will take Dinosaurs for eight hundred.

Judy: Uh, Ellen, you do know that the more expensive the question, the harder it is.

Dream Ellen: Oh, no, I didn't. Lemme rethink that then. Uh, Dinosaurs for one thousand, Alex.

Alex Trebek: Okay. The answer is ... This is when scientists believe dinosaurs first appeared on the earth. <Ellen rings in.> Ellen?

Dream Ellen: Uh, what is two hundred and twenty million years ago, give or take a day?

Alex Trebek: <surprised> You're absolutely right.

<Ellen begins a series of correct answers.>

Dream Ellen: <ring> What is the sun? <ring> What is hydrogen, Alex? <ring> What are photovoltaics? <ring> What is fire? Which, by the way, is what sparked the progress of human civilization, Alex. I don't know if you knew that or not.

Alex Trebek: Correct again, Ellen, and amazingly enough, at the end of this Double Jeopardy round, you have managed to come from way behind to tie Judy for the lead. Well done!

Dream Ellen: Well, I just had to figure out how to work this little clicky thing here.

Judy: How could she possibly have learned so much during the commercial break? She's obviously cheating.

Alex Trebek: Zip it, Judy. Dr. Einstein, you have no money, sir. And that means we're going to have to say good-bye. However, we want to thank you for coming here today, and we do have some lovely parting gifts for you backstage.

Dream Ellen: <Giving him a lightbulb> Yep, here's one for you right now, Al.

Jeopardy! Announcer: It's a long-lasting, low energy lightbulb. Enjoy the efficiency! <Einstein walks offstage with his lightbulb.>

Alex Trebek: Boy, there goes a real burst of energy, huh? All right, ladies. You will recall that our Final Jeopardy category on today's program is The Future of Energy. And so, if you're ready, here's the Final Jeopardy answer for you: This is the one source of power that will never run out. Good luck.

<Jeopardy! music plays as the seats move into the last theater. Judy spends the time looking smug and polishing her eyeglasses, while Ellen writes the seemingly long answer down.>

Jeopardy! Announcer: If you would like to have your own energy nightmare, place a self-addressed, stamped envelope under your pillow, or check us out on the web at www dot energynightmare dot game.

Alex Trebek: Will Judy remain our Jeopardy! champion? Or will Ellen take the lead? We'll know momentarily.

Jeopardy! Announcer: Some contestants on Jeopardy! will receive a year's supply of energy. Energy, you make the world go 'round.

Alex Trebek: Once again, the answer is: This is the one source of power that will never run out. Time's up, players. Let's see how well you did. Judy, we'll start with you. You wrote down ... nothing.

Judy: That's correct, Alex, because there is no answer.

Alex Trebek: Well, actually, you're wrong. Let's take a look at your wager. Oh, that's too bad. You risked everything you had, and that means you lose $17,800, and you wind up with <buzzer sounds> nothing. Let's go down to Ellen now, and see what she came up with as the response to our Final Jeopardy clue. Ellen?

Dream Ellen: Uh, what is brain power, Alex?

Alex Trebek: You are correct, and your wager? You too risked everything, but you double your score to $35,600. That makes you, Ellen, our new Jeopardy! champion. Congratulations.

<Balloons float down around Ellen as she is congratulated on her victory. Judy applauds grudgingly, while making a face.>

Jeopardy! Announcer: Be sure to join us tomorrow, as Jeopardy! dream sequence week continues. --

Ellen: <turns off the dream sequence> So, that's how I became an energy expert. Again, expert may not be the exact right word. More expertish. Anyway, I've gotta go. LOOK OUT FOR THE DINOSAUR! Ha ha ha, kidding. I'm a kidder. Bye bye now.

<We see the Exxon logo, and hear Jurassic Park T-Rex roar.>

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